First impressions

I met my future parents-in-law last Sunday for the first time. We were all attending my bf's nephew's 2nd birthday party. He's an adorable kid, and we all love him, which is probably the only thing all of us had in common. Nah, okay, I guess that's being too extreme. I know that they'll have their first impressions of me, but I have my own first impression of them, and the first thing that struck me was they were remarkably different from my own parents.

Well of course you're allowed some differences, but the differences were stark. But I expected as much, so I didn't leave the place feeling disappointed or anything like that. They're nice people, don't get me wrong. But compared to the reception my parents gave my bf when they first met him, the reception his parents gave me was markedly cold. It was so bad, after salam-ing the mum, she even moved away to sit at a different table from me! Now is that a signal that she thinks I'm whore or isn't it? (FYI, I'm not one).

But I was dressed very decently too, in a really nice loose bohemian-type shirt in earthy colors. And jeans. It wasn't even tight, and you couldn't even see my butt, which I think is my best asset. (Yeah, yeah, for those who know how I look like, please refrain from commenting...)

Anyway, after that, we had to move into another room in the restaurant because the place was wrongly booked. And I thought I didn't want to have her move her seat away from me twice, so I sat far away from them. Then I guess the dad felt bad, because he asked me to move closer. When I did move closer, he was the only one who tried to speak to me, whilst his mother turned her head away most of the time I was sitting in front of them and did not utter another word to me. For all the 2 hours we were there.

Oh well, not that I mind. If she dislikes me, she dislikes me. After all, I dislike quite a number of ppl in this world. She probably thinks I manipulate her son. I don't think she gives him enough credit. I think he's very capable of controlling any situation that we're in. I even think he's the more dominant one in the relationship. She probably thinks I look like this snobby person. People often mistake me for a snobby or pompous person because I'm just mean sometimes.

But it doesn't really matter because in the end, it's not his mom I'm marrying, it's him. And I just thank my lucky stars my parents are friendly ppl despite all their other flaws... And I guess I'll just have to work on making things better with his mom.

A Tree

I'm like this tree,
A very old tree, maybe an olive tree.
My trunk is gnarled and twisted,
And my bark scorched by the sun.
During the dry season,
When there is no water to quench my thirst,
I become dry and my branches brittle.
When the hard wind blows,
My arms (the branches) will break.
I only seem strong, with my roots buried in the ground.
But I can only wait for an act of God, like in a thunderstorm
To break me in two.
But you, oh blade of grass,
I wish I was like you.
Growing long and slender,
And swaying in the breeze beside me.
You are small, and may not ever grow as big as me.
But no matter how hard the gust of wind,
And no matter how heavy the rain,
They will not uproot you
Nor blow you away.
If you are cut, you will grow again.
Such is your strength that I envy.
How can I ever be like you?
When God has made me who I am,
And you, you.
Can a tree, so set in its ways
transform into grass?
Alas, my friend, as strong as you are
And as determined as I am,
Neither you or I can make me
Into something I was never destined to be.

I'm like this big kid

Yesterday was the Rockstar INXS finale. Which is like my favorite show because of all the talented ppl in it. There were 3 finalists, Mig, JD and Marty. And even though Marty was my favorite (and still is) from the very beginning, I didn't want him to win and land the job as INXS's frontman because I felt that his talents would be better expressed as a solo artist or as a singer of his own band. (As opposed to a singer of an established band, with an established sound). I really wanted JD to win, because I thought Mig was too theatrical. And plus JD's good, because he has that deep, dark thing going like Michael Hutchins. And whaddaya know? JD won, and I was really glad.

After the show, I was really excited, and my bf couldn't get me to sleep. He was trying to tuck me in, but I just kept wanting to talk about the show, and all the possibilities. The possibilities being Marty gets a recording contract, Marty gets to do a record with his own band, Marty gets to perfect his own sound... I'll be the first to buy Marty's cd, etc etc. I was excited about that.

Then I wake up the next day, and I come to work, and what do I find myself doing? I log on and start reading Marty's blogs. From the show, I found out that Dave Navarro can be a really nice guy.

Then my boss arrives and asks me if he can have a word. Okay. He asks me if I feel challenged by my job. And I say, Yeah. Right now, still yeah. I told him not to worry and that I'll tell him when I get bored. I won't send up a resignation letter or anything right that. Right now, I'm just waiting for more challenges to come. Like the PONL integration, the new systems integration, etc etc. I think right now I'm still finding my way around to getting comfortable. I'm still perfecting my skills...

Today is also Hafiz's last day. Well sort of. Hafiz is my colleague here and was also from Uniten. He's a genius. Anyway, he's being posted to Dubai. And he's flying off this week or next week. All the best to him, cos he's a really nice guy. We're going to have a farewell lunch for him later, so I'm going to leave some empty space in my stomach.

Aigh

I woke up this morning with a slight headache. It's not a good start...
Should I wear glasses in front of the comp monitor? What's it gonna take to get rid of this headache...
Slowly, I reach for my minyak cap kapak...

Weekend out of the ordinary

It's not everyday you get a wedding invitation to Nik Izham's wedding. He was the shyiest guy in our Form 6 class. It's been literally years since I last saw him. So when my best friend cancelled his birthday dinner plans last Saturday, I made a split second decision to actually go to my old schoolmate's wedding, even though it was already 6.30pm, and the wedding started at 8.00pm... in Melaka! I wasn't even dressed yet. Melaka, at the least is 1 1/2 hours away from KL. So I would have to leave immediately if I want to get there in time.

My bf had some funeral to go to or something so he couldn't drive me. I call up my other old school mates invited to the wedding, hoping to get a ride, but they were already on the highway. So I had to drive alone, all the way, about 80-90km to Melaka.. at night.. alone. But I was up to the challenge. I showered, got dressed in a rush, did not do my hair, did not put on any make up (I figured I'd do it in the parking lot when I arrived), and left my house a little before 7.

In the invitation, it's stated that guests should arrive at 7.45 pm.

I drove like a mad woman. When I got to the highway, I was doing 120-140km/h all the way. It was so damn freaky. I've never felt the wheel of my car shake like that before. The highway had no lights, and I thought the journey would never end... it felt like if I kept on driving, sooner or later my car would fall into the sea at the tip of Johor.

Like a miracle, I arrived in Melaka at 8.06 pm. Whew. Parked my car at the hall around 8.15 pm. Was in the hall seated and reunited with my buddies before the bride and groom arrived. We even got to sit at the VIP table! Wow. And that's not all... I got the biggest shock of my life (and all my friends did, too, they kept telling me, "We just found out that she's different"), my old friend married someone much older than him, and who has 3 kids from a previous marriage. Wow. An instant father.

But he seemed very happy though, and the bride, too. And he was happy to see me make it. I was happy, too. I rarely do such crazy things (like drive at 140 km on the highway), but this was worth it. It was nice to meet up with everyone again. And at least when the night was over, I didn't have to drive alone... (I didn't even have to drive actually, someone else drove my car for me... ) All in all, I'd say it was a productive weekend.

Tired

You know my sister has a blog on this, but I don't know what the url is.
And today is Friday! Yay! But the plumber is coming on Saturday... what a bummer. I'm supposed to go to my friend's wedding, Saturday night, an old school friend, but I don't think that's gonna happen. Hmmm... I'm going to have to email or call someone today to tell them I can't make it.

Health wise I don't feel too good. And I'm quite sleepy this morning.

But yesterday's Rockstar INXS was really good and yet sad as well, cos I really liked Suzie, and then it's just these 3 ppl left. I don't really like Mig all that much, cos he's so theatrical. Ripping his shirt down the middle was a bit much. But that's just my opinion anyway. In my opinion too, Marty is better off as a kind of solo artist. He is my favorite rockstar. He seems the most grounded. And I love the way he performs. I liked "Trees" too, it's catchy.

But Rockstar INXS is my favorite show since moving into my new apartment. And can you believe it, I've been living there for like a month already? A month and a 2 weeks. Whew! Time flies so fast...

I'm really tired, but I got a ton of work...

Papaya for breakfast

You know I hate ppl who drive in the middle of two lanes. And when you flash them with your lights they still don't understand. And then you have to honk at them, and then they give you this look. Stupid ppl. Why can't they just be better drivers?

I can totally understand road rage. Sometimes you just get so pissed off on the road at inconsiderate drivers. But road rage til you kill someone? Nah. That's going overboard.

I'm really into the new Padi album. It's really good. The first time I played the whole thing, there was one song, just from the sound of it made me cry. I wasn't really listening to the lyrics but the rhythm of it and the way it was played rekindled some buried emotions. I'm not even sure if I could describe what emotions, but it's there. I guess it's regret mixed with longing. Or something else.

I had a dream last night of Redha and Anas, the infamous tag-team back in my highschool. I was like their big sister. After I woke up, I was determined to make this day better than yesterday. And plus I have to get my picture taken (which I hate) for that interview thingie...

Another Tuesday

Guess what they got me doing at work? They want to interview me for this thing that they've got on our global intranet (since I made my fame during the previous townhall forum we had with P&O). I think this company is going a little bit overboard on this thing. They timed it so that my little question and answer will be launched online on the same day our P&O colleauges get their user id's and they can log onto our websites as employees. So when they click on "Home" they'll see the link to my interview thingie. You see the propaganda? They're hoping I say something inspirational again.

The questions are quite tough, too, like in that testing sort of way. You know, like I keep asking myself, "Is this a test to my loyalty?" since you know I made that speech about loyalty... (check out my previous entry entitled "One of those lucky things"). Due date is tomorrow to complete the answers to the interview. Aigh.

My boyfriend has proven to be quite the future husband, I must say, in more ways than one. I feel safer with him around, even though sayang if you're reading this, sometimes I'm not safe from you! But I really appreciate what you did yesterday, in sorting things out. Thanks. That's all I'm going to say, not revealing anything to any of you...

One of those lucky things

Two nights ago we had this meeting, a forum. We're taking over this other company, P&O, and we came under attack basically by the P&O management. We are going to offer jobs to our new colleagues, but obviously it wasn't enough for them. Even when our area manager was being totally welcoming, they bombed us. They were very rude and insulting, if you asked me. And then I did one of those things that I always manage to do. It's not even anything spectacular. But it was just done at the right moment I guess. I stepped up to the microphone (cos we had microphones standing at the aisle for everybody to voice out their issues) and said what anybody could have said. But no one else had said anything. No one else apart from our managers of course. Not even the P&O staff were standing up and saying anything. We were just hearing all this shit from their managers.

What really got to me was when this guy stood up and said, "P&O staff are really loyal. We don't want to leave the company." Whoever said anything about leaving the company?? We're offering you jobs for God's sake! And this other guy said, "P&O staff are much older than Maersk staff. We're very loyal to the company." So what? Young people can't be loyal too?

So enough was enough, and it was getting pretty late too (the meeting was at night), and I stepped up to the mike and said what was on everyone else's mind, I said, "I just wanted to say before the night was over that Maersk staff are loyal, too. Even at the lower level, like me, we're very committed, I'm very committed to making this Maersk-P&O union work."

And that's it. That's all I said. And everybody clapped. But anybody could have stood up there and said that. I don't think what I said was anything truly special even until now. But I impressed my area manager, and he must have asked my country manager what my name was, cos I received this email the next day thanking me for standing up and saying what I said. I was really touched, because it was totally unexpected. But there was something that he said in the mail, his last words, that really said it all. He said, "the environment you chose was difficult, and is a further show of your character." I read that last bit over and over and over. Because yeah, he's totally right. It is a definite show of my character. And I used to think it was a bad thing, to always want to defend myself and defend others, to always fight back when I'm being oppressed, but this time someone's gone and said it was a good thing.

So I'm rethinking everything, and I guess sometimes being outspoken is good, and sometimes it's bad. I guess you just have to choose your words carefully and pick the right time to say them. But I'm glad that he could pick out bits of my character from what I did that night, and I'm glad that he has let me know, because rarely does someone commend you for doing things that come so naturally.

Two days after Merdeka

My merdeka was fun. I did nothing but sleep all day. Yeah. That's the life. Merdeka night itself was okay too. I was at home and I could see fireworks from four different places from my balcony. Quite cool. I received this sms on my phone from a dear dear friend of mine. Don't get me wrong, I adore her! But she is a staunch member of Puteri UMNO and I had mixed feelings about the message she sent me, which said: "Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan. Keranamu Malaysia."

It was the 'Keranamu Malaysia' that got to me. That is the cheesiest thing to say, even if you're trying to be patriotic. I can think of so many other ways of being patriotic and not have to say 'Keranamu Malaysia'. It so turned me off that I didn't reply, which was really bad of me. Oh well.

Today I'm meant to be all energetic, because my counterpart in Johor is coming up to KL for a meeting. Well, she's not really my counterpart, she's just someone whose job description is quite close to mine and we have to liase with each other a lot. I'm meant to take her out for lunch and everything. I really don't know where to bring her except Subang Parade (the mall next to my office). But I'm just not in the mood. In fact, I'm really tired, and I thought of taking MC because I can feel a fever coming up.

Ugh, listening to myself makes me realise that I'm such a party pooper!

Good weekend

I think I had a good weekend. Well good enough. But there was an Italian restaurant that I really liked and I wanted to have dinner there on Saturday night, but didn't get to. Instead we went to this other one at One Utama, Italiannies, it was okay. But not that great. But come to think of it, I wouldn't really go there again, unless I was really hungry. For the price, it's not worth it.

But I still can't shake off this feeling of exhaustion which I still have in my shoulders and in my back. It's fatigue from moving house, packing and unpacking, and shopping for household goods and appliances... it's so tiring. I've just put up the curtains to my bedroom last Saturday. And I still haven't finished unpacking, so I'm so tired. And I just want to sleep! For a long long time.

So maybe I'll take leave on Friday. Let me think about it.

Wednesday is Merdeka. I'm not really in the Merdeka mood. And I don't really think there is such a thing as the bangsa Malaysia... not just yet at least. How can you have a bangsa Malaysia with racially segregated political parties? That's just nuts. But anyway, until 2020... who knows.

Rockstar

I really like that show Rockstar INXS. I guess I like it because it's a genre of music that I love, and I can relate to it better than American Idol/Malaysian Idol/Pop Idol/Akademi Fantasia. Every single show they're performing rock songs that I know and love, so it's actually nice to root for each of the contestants. But my favorite is Marty, because he seems really grounded and true to himself. And plus he sings really well.

Anyway, the other night, he performed a song that came from my childhood that really evoked a lot of old memories. It was "I Alone" by Live. It's funny how you remember the lyrics to a song even though you haven't heard it in a long, long, time. And it's funny how you start to remember all the little things related to that song. I have Live's cd, Throwing Copper somewhere in my house, but I haven't played it in a long while. But I remember, during the time when I was really into Live, around the age of 15/16, my best friend chucked the cassette down to me from his balcony and I didn't manage to catch it, and it hit the ground and broke. So I bought him a new one, and I bought the cd for myself.

"I Alone" and "Lightning Crashes", "Selling the Drama" and "All Over You" and all the other songs on the album really reminds me of the gang back in 5i. There was Jason, Carl, David, Wilcox, Adam, Matt and Robert. And the girls, me, Rebecca, Kerensa, Clara, Agness. And it reminded me of Jason's band. With Ian on drums, Jase on guitar and Cox on bass. And it reminded me of the video that we made for Rebecca before she left. And all these things... And I really wonder what happened to those guys, especially Jase cos he was my closest guy friend out of the bunch but the one I didn't manage to keep in touch with. He sort of found me though, and left a testimonial on my friendster, thru Clara, but he did that purposely so that I can't find him again. I think.

It would be nice to tell those guys that I'm getting married. (Yeah like in 2006/2007) They were such a big part of my life back then in boarding school, it'll be nice to have them there at my wedding. I grew up with these ppl. I was talking to an old friend of mine yesterday, and he said it'd be good to tell Carl, my ex, that I'm getting married. Not that he'd care, I think, but maybe it's just nice to let him know anyway. Yeah maybe. If I ever bump into him. Which I don't. Because I think we made a promise or a curse or something, never to see each other again, ever. Yeah. Which is why everybody else bumps into him (and they tell me about it), but I never do. Which I think is sort of cool in that spooky way.

And all these feelings came up just because of Rockstar...

Last night

The nasties follow me around everywhere. My bf calls it "setan" or "the devil". This used to happen the last time I lived alone. I'd be sleeping and suddenly I would feel someone else sitting on my bed, even though there is no one else in the house... it's freaky. Last night I was already half-asleep, then I heard something drop to the floor in my bathroom. The door of my bathroom was ajar, and I could see inside it from where I was lying down on my bed, and I could see that the towels were still hanging on the hook, and everything else is where it should be, so I freaked out.

What could it be? What could have made that noise. I called my bf, but of course he only got annoyed. He told me to check outside. I didn't know how to tell him that the noise came from inside my room. It was very loud, and very nearby. But I checked outside anyway. Nothing. None of the windows were open, the wind could not have blown anything down... So when he called again to make sure I was okay, I just told him that it must be the neighbours that moved in upstairs. It could have been, who knows?

But still the sound was unmistakable. It's one of those things you can sense. The nasties like to play tricks on you when they know you're vulnerable and alone. I hope they go away. They go away once they know you're not afraid of them anymore.

It's been so long!

I haven't updated this thing in ages... It's terrible. I've probably lost all my readers... oh well. The reason why I haven't updated it is cos I've been so busy. First my parents were packing up the house to move to Australia (they're there now with the other 2 kids). That took about a month or so of packing their stuff. Then it was my turn to pack up and move out of the house into my new apt. That took about a week... or so. I've moved in but still haven't unpacked fully. Then I needed to buy all the stuff for the house, which I'm still doing. Then I ran out of money. I'm almost broke and waiting for my salary to come in...

Then another thing is I have no internet at home. I haven't had internet at home for like more than a month. Ever since the packers came and took away all the computers at home. And we had like 3 computers. So no net, no blogging, no surfing, no chatting.

Now I'm at work, and I rarely get the chance to do much on the net except check e-mail. So that's why I've been awfully quiet lately.

I'll move back into Putrajaya in a year's time. A year and a half maybe. That's when the house I bought will be ready. Well, I didn't buy it, my dad did. And that will be my house. For when I get married. But I told my parents they can live there with me. And I'm going to have a pond... with koi in it. And a swing set outside, and a hammock. It'll be my dream house...

yeaaa right...

Come to think of it...

You know, looking back, I did have a lot of fun during my Uni days. Starting to really miss it. All that hanging out, going to class, skipping class to hang out some more... it was fun. Being really skinny. Losing weight really fast. hahaha.

Going through all my old photos, it makes me miss everything about those days. Meeting ppl for the first time. Finding out things about them you never knew. Getting to know ppl better. Making friends for life.

Yeah. Now I sorta wonder why ppl are pushing me to get married so fast. Sometimes I wish I could just turn back the clock and relive everything. Sure would be fun. I wouldn't do anything different. Live it back the same way. Yeah.

Misadventures

After having coffee with an old friend on Sunday afternoon, I decided to shop for the perfect pair of black sling-backs, closed-toe (they're shoes in case you men don't know). I figured that they'd be just what I needed to complete my outfit if I'm to visit my company's branch in Johor. My company actually has this rule that women are to wear covered shoes (and not sandals or slip-ons), but I always break that rule here, because our boss in KL isn't too strict about it, but Lord knows how strict they are in Johor... so, you know, better for me to invest in a pair of covered shoes than not.

Previously I had bought myself this inexpensive ring, with what the lady at the stall said was "fresh-water pearl" encircled with three fake diamonds (probably cubic zirconium or even quartz) shaped like leaves. So perhaps my showy (but fake) ring was what prompted the saleslady in the shoe shop to say what she said to me. Or perhaps my outfit was what prompted her. I was wearing a cotton baggy shirt and skirt. And that ring on my finger. And when I was paying for my shoes she asked me, "Are you pregnant?" Appalled, yet amused, I answered, "No... Do I look that old?"

I just had a haircut, too, earlier that morning, which the hairdresser said made me look younger. After a split second I said to myself, 'I should have asked her Do I look that fat?'

Then the saleslady said, "No, no, you don't look old. Are you married?" she asked to change the subject, knowing that I was probably offended by her earlier assumption at me being pregnant.
I thought for awhile and replied cautiosly, "Mmm... engaged." A lie, but not really. The word I should have used was 'betrothed', (to signify I've already got someone to get married to but not yet engaged) but who in the 21st century says 'betrothed'?

Then the saleslady showed surprise for some reason, and blushed, and said, "Well you know, before, Malay girls get married younger but the trend nowadays is to get married later..."

I don't know what the hell that was about. I just paid for the goods and left. Then I thought, 'I must be fatter than I thought'. I must be, or else she would never have asked me if I was pregnant. Which I'm not. And then I started to feel conscious about my boobs, cos maybe that's why she asked me if I was pregnant. And no, I'm not lactating... but why the hell would a total stranger ask me that?? I wasn't wearing maternity clothes... God maybe I really am that fat!

Hmmm... well anyway, I bought the shoes. They look great. And maybe tomorrow I'll wear them with an outfit that won't make me look pregnant. (Well hopefully.)

Batman

I watched Batman Begins over to weekend, and I thought it was pretty good. It showed the human side of the character, and I thought that was okay. Christian Bale made an okay Batman as well. You have to remember that Christian Bale was the kid in Empire of the Sun, so... I thought it would be strange to see him as Batman, but not really. And Katie Holmes wasn't bad in her first big role. I was expecting worse.

I'm starting to really like Berjaya Times Square. Because of the Borders, and the Starbucks in the Borders. And all those kooky Hong Kong fashion shops. I think I'm going to make it my new hang-out spot. That is if the roads don't get jammed when the government servants stop working on Saturdays next month. Eesh... I can just bet that they'll be out every Saturday morning shopping or sight-seeing or whatever it is they do on their free time. Or maybe they'll just sleep in... since they don't get to sleep in much on Saturdays.

But I bought this aquarium book on the "Bargain Books" shelf, and I really like. I'm really looking forward to setting up my own aquarium room when I move house. And I haven't told him yet, but my bf's going to help me make a pond at my new house! Hehehehe... I'm so excited! I love fish.

Getting hot

Is it just me or does everyone else feel that KL has been extraordinarily hot (as in weather) lately? The heat has just been giving me headaches...
Well time for more minyak cap kapak...

Traditional remedies

I had that really terrible feeling in my chest yesterday when you have trapped air but cannot burp. I felt very nauseous and dizzy, and all I wanted to do was lie down. I was at work too, and it was right after lunch. I had all these things to do, that I just couldn't go off sick. I even went to the surau and tried to lie down a bit, but that didn't work either, because the room we use for our surau was quite small, and when it's filled up with all these ladies, I started to feel really claustrophobic.

I rarely use minyak cap kapak because the smell of it is too strong, but my colleague offerred me her small bottle so I rubbed some on my chest and on my tummy. After several applications, I was able to burp and did feel a lot better. Then I found that as the minyak started to wear off, I would reapply, and I thought, "hey this stuff is really addictive." Now I want to get a bottle of my own. I had a really good friend who was addicted to minyak cap kapak and he would rub some on his temples all the time. There's something about how it smells. It is after all an essential oil. Just like the aromatherapy oils you can get from those Body Shop type places. Those Crabtree & Evelyn type shops.

I prefer to use balms myself. I can't stand Tiger Balm though. But I like this balm, my friend uses it, Bam Cap Kaki Tiga (Three Legs Brand Balm). I tried looking for it in the shop, but couldn't find it. I have a balm I always carry around called Bam Kita (Our Balm). I think it's made it in a mosque. I don't know why I just didn't use my balm yesterday. I think because I was too nauseous and subconsciously I knew that certain smells would make me feel worse.

Nice things

The thing I like about making spontaneous purchases is that I end up liking the items bought more than the other things that I own. It's always like that. Usually I don't spend unnecessarily, but last week I saw these two bracelets, and bought them without really much thought. And I wear them everyday now. (This comes from a person who rarely wears jewelry). And then just the other day I strolled into this store and bought a nice skirt, which I am wearing now.

I'm wearing it today because I want to look nice for my sayang. It's nice to dress up for the ones you love. But I'm a little worried because I look quite chubby in it. But who cares. As long as I like my outfit, that's all that counts.

You know, even that little girl at the end of J.Lo's song "Get Right" can sing better than J.Lo. But now that she's married to a guy that can really sing, hopefully he'll give her some pointers. He seemed very encouraging at the Grammys, when they were doing that duet. He kept giving her that look of encouragement when she sang her part, the same look I used to give to my classmates when they were making presentations. And then when she tried to stretch a note, her voice cracked a little. I'm surprised nobody spoke about it.

I'm not a singer, so I don't sing. Not even at home. hehe