I shouldn't have eaten... cos now I feel sick.
:(
Friday, October 07, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
What this month always reminds me of
Fasting month always reminds me of this one incident that took place many years ago during my freshman year at Uni. There was a really nice, a goodie-goodie type guy in my accounts class. He's really innocent and the type that does no evil. He was kinda short but kinda cute. Anyway, it was fasting month at the time, and then one day he musters up the courage to ask me out to buka puasa with him. I think he became more confident when he saw me exit the mosque after terawih prayers. You know, the fact that I actually went to pray terawih at the mosque made him feel that perhaps I was a nice girl after all under all that.
I remember it really well, he was leaning against his bike and having a smoke and talking to a really a good friend of mine, who was his roommate. I was coming out of the masjid with some friends of mine, and then my friend, the guy's roommate waves to me and says hi. So we stop by and say hi. And during the course of the conversation, the guy asks me, "You want to meet me for buka puasa tomorrow?"
I say, surprised, "Oh? Where?"
And he says, "Here at the masjid." Aww that was so sweet, he asks me out on a date, and where? To the masjid ! I thought that was so cute. I told him that it was sweet of him to ask me, but that I already had a bf and would be breaking fast with him instead.
Well, the last I heard of this guy, I forgot his name, was in the first semester of our second year at uni. There was a big hoohaa going on because he'd disappeared. He hadn't come back home both at the campus and in his hometown for months. He was also supposed to contribute to my friend's accounting project, but since he was missing they had to do double work and were really mad at him. Then just like that, out of the blue, he reappears. He returns to his rented house at the campus to gather up his things. He told his housemates (who were my friends) that he had to stop studying because he got married to a widow with two kids. He had to start working to support them. And just like that, he left.
And that was the last I heard of him.
I remember it really well, he was leaning against his bike and having a smoke and talking to a really a good friend of mine, who was his roommate. I was coming out of the masjid with some friends of mine, and then my friend, the guy's roommate waves to me and says hi. So we stop by and say hi. And during the course of the conversation, the guy asks me, "You want to meet me for buka puasa tomorrow?"
I say, surprised, "Oh? Where?"
And he says, "Here at the masjid." Aww that was so sweet, he asks me out on a date, and where? To the masjid ! I thought that was so cute. I told him that it was sweet of him to ask me, but that I already had a bf and would be breaking fast with him instead.
Well, the last I heard of this guy, I forgot his name, was in the first semester of our second year at uni. There was a big hoohaa going on because he'd disappeared. He hadn't come back home both at the campus and in his hometown for months. He was also supposed to contribute to my friend's accounting project, but since he was missing they had to do double work and were really mad at him. Then just like that, out of the blue, he reappears. He returns to his rented house at the campus to gather up his things. He told his housemates (who were my friends) that he had to stop studying because he got married to a widow with two kids. He had to start working to support them. And just like that, he left.
And that was the last I heard of him.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
National Anthem
Hehe! I was so tickled last night when I watched the evening news. Some people in the parliament were outraged that Hattan sang the national anthem at last Saturday's football game in his own tune. He sang the ending differently or something like that. I didn't get to see it myself. But I was laughing about it along with my bf. The ppl in parliament condemned him and they're going to charge him under the Akta Lagu Kebangsaan (National Anthem Act). I didn't even know that law existed! Padan muka dia!
I never really liked that guy, even though we're from the same kampung. He's so cocky. He thinks he's all that. I guess he thinks rockstars can get away with anything.
Well I think they'll let him off if he made a public apology. I don't think he meant to disrespect the national anthem. But it was funny anyway that those members or parliament got mad. I guess there's no room for artistic license for some areas in this country.
Puasa starts tomorrow.
I never really liked that guy, even though we're from the same kampung. He's so cocky. He thinks he's all that. I guess he thinks rockstars can get away with anything.
Well I think they'll let him off if he made a public apology. I don't think he meant to disrespect the national anthem. But it was funny anyway that those members or parliament got mad. I guess there's no room for artistic license for some areas in this country.
Puasa starts tomorrow.
Monday, October 03, 2005
The old neighborhood
I had one of those frustrating weekends where I actually missed my family. Especially on Sundays, those "family day"s. We would usually eat out on our family days. I couldn't spend my Sunday dinner with anyone special so I ate alone. But I went back to a place that I sort of felt comfortable eating alone. So it wasn't so bad.
I went to the bridge again also on Sunday night. I was surprised to find a lot of ppl there. Sometimes I wish that bridge could be mine. I wished that it could belong to me, so that whenever I wanted to be alone there, I could tell everybody to vamoos. It was a nice night, and I bought myself this new poetry notebook. I only write on un-ruled plain white paper. So if anyone wants to buy me a present that I would truly appreciate, they could get me a spiral plain-white paper notebook. Paperchase makes great ones. But the one I bought wasn't a Paperchase, it was an Islamic Arts Museam one (? I think so). I bought it at the MPH, and it wasn't a spiral notebook. And I was also a little disappointed that the paper, although plain white, was quite thin, and the ink of my pen could be seen on the back of the page. Which I hate. So I write on every other page.
Sometimes when you can't be with family, you don't really feel like being with your friends. Cos I just don't like the thought of leaving my empty house to have fun with my buddies and then having to come home to an empty house again. It's like a double blow almost. Everybody else gets to go home to their family. I know I'm supposed to grow up and get used to it already, but seriously it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
But driving around my old neighborhood did feel good. There's that familiar feeling I get in my chest, and that warmth that makes me smile. I tried to explain it to my bf, but I don't think he gets it at all. I don't think he knows what it feels like to feel happy because you feel safe. I don't think he knows how it feels like to feel alien to some place, and then having to find a spot in that alien place that makes you feel not like an alien. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I've been in KL for about 4-5 years now, and during the early years, there wasn't a cafe that I could find that I could call my own place... you know, there wasn't a bakery where I liked to go there cos I liked their bread. I haven't found my place. In all the places I've lived in, I had these places I could go to where the people would know me, and they'd say, "Your usual?" And I would feel comfortable enough to eat there alone, or to sit and drink there alone, because I was a regular. And the other ppl would recognize me as a regular, and then they'd just smile and eat with me while they sat at the other table, and it wouldn't feel like I was eating alone. But I don't know how to explain all this to my bf because I don't think he really understands. Even when he says he does, I get the feeling that he's just saying it to shut me up.
I haven't really found that type of place truly yet, but I think my old neighborhood has a lot of potential.
Sometimes I worry that if we can't connect on certain things, it'll be difficult for us in the future. But I really don't know how to make a person understand all these things that make me feel secure. I hope he reads this and he understands better.
I went to the bridge again also on Sunday night. I was surprised to find a lot of ppl there. Sometimes I wish that bridge could be mine. I wished that it could belong to me, so that whenever I wanted to be alone there, I could tell everybody to vamoos. It was a nice night, and I bought myself this new poetry notebook. I only write on un-ruled plain white paper. So if anyone wants to buy me a present that I would truly appreciate, they could get me a spiral plain-white paper notebook. Paperchase makes great ones. But the one I bought wasn't a Paperchase, it was an Islamic Arts Museam one (? I think so). I bought it at the MPH, and it wasn't a spiral notebook. And I was also a little disappointed that the paper, although plain white, was quite thin, and the ink of my pen could be seen on the back of the page. Which I hate. So I write on every other page.
Sometimes when you can't be with family, you don't really feel like being with your friends. Cos I just don't like the thought of leaving my empty house to have fun with my buddies and then having to come home to an empty house again. It's like a double blow almost. Everybody else gets to go home to their family. I know I'm supposed to grow up and get used to it already, but seriously it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
But driving around my old neighborhood did feel good. There's that familiar feeling I get in my chest, and that warmth that makes me smile. I tried to explain it to my bf, but I don't think he gets it at all. I don't think he knows what it feels like to feel happy because you feel safe. I don't think he knows how it feels like to feel alien to some place, and then having to find a spot in that alien place that makes you feel not like an alien. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I've been in KL for about 4-5 years now, and during the early years, there wasn't a cafe that I could find that I could call my own place... you know, there wasn't a bakery where I liked to go there cos I liked their bread. I haven't found my place. In all the places I've lived in, I had these places I could go to where the people would know me, and they'd say, "Your usual?" And I would feel comfortable enough to eat there alone, or to sit and drink there alone, because I was a regular. And the other ppl would recognize me as a regular, and then they'd just smile and eat with me while they sat at the other table, and it wouldn't feel like I was eating alone. But I don't know how to explain all this to my bf because I don't think he really understands. Even when he says he does, I get the feeling that he's just saying it to shut me up.
I haven't really found that type of place truly yet, but I think my old neighborhood has a lot of potential.
Sometimes I worry that if we can't connect on certain things, it'll be difficult for us in the future. But I really don't know how to make a person understand all these things that make me feel secure. I hope he reads this and he understands better.
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