Tummy ache

Eating too much gives you a stomach ache. But I think for me, eating too many different types of food gave me a stomach ache. It's normal to get one during Hari Raya. It's only the second day, but I've totally lost my appetite. :(

Eid Mubarak

Tomorrow is hari raya. Phew! Thank God.

Today I made cornflake cookies, a chocolate cake and kuih makmur. From 7 am til 4 pm. Whew! That was a long time.

Now I'm tired. My feet hurt from standing all day.

And tomorrow I have to dress my best. Eid Mubarak!

Workaholic?

Am I getting obsessed with my work? Because I keep wanting to call the office and asking if everything's alright. But it is Deepavali today and a public holiday, so no one would be in. I think I'm getting to be a control freak. Or maybe it's just an avid sense of responsibility...

First morning

My mother woke me up quite early. Around 7 am Malaysia time, but it was already 10 am in Canberra. I woke up stiffly because it was quite cold in my room (the draft again), and then I told my mom that my stomach wasn't really feeling well so I couldn't accompany her to the butcher's. Now that they've only got one maid (instead of the usual 2), my mother has become the cook again. But she's got to work with Australian ingredients, and not Malaysian ones.

My maid is overwhelmed by the size of the house. The shape of the house is long, unlike the one in PutraJ, which was square. And I guess it's quite old-fashioned because it's got that "secret stairs" that leads from the kitchen to the upstairs bedroom hallway. The hot water pipes aren't hidden either, they're exposed against the wall of the tunnel of secret stairs. It reminds me of that old show "Upstairs, Downstairs". Have you ever seen it?

I never imagined an old house like this could exist in Australia. It's something that you take for granted in England. The house we lived in in London was really old. Everything creaked. I'm really sick of old houses. They lose their charm after awhile because for some odd reason they attract more dust than new homes.

Take for example of my new apartment back in KL. It's not as dusty as this place, and I only do dusting on weekends! Anyway... so boring... you don't want to know about dusting.

I just want to rest and take time reading a good book. It feels like I've been working non-stop for quite sometime and deserve a good rest. Nothing is on tv.

My first night here

The night is freezing. The wind is really being mean. I don't even think it's a wind, I think it's more like the temperature drops when the sun goes down. And you won't believe how dark it is outside. It's pitch black. I don't even see any street lights. Well actually there are street lights but they are very far away. Our house is surrounded with trees, so that's why I guess it's very dark.

I'm sitting in my brother's room, typing away while the tv is on. If I had known that this house has 3 of its own tv sets, I would never have allowed my parents to take away the big Philips set.

Anyway, the kitchen is huge. And reminds me slightly of the kitchen I had in London because the floor is freezing when you walk on it barefooted. And you don't need to store your food in the fridge because it's so cold you can just leave it outside.

My dad took me round for a drive and the place is very pretty. Very green and full of nature. The type of place I would like to live in, if only it was in Malaysia.

I'm wishing all my friends happy deepavali. It's tomorrow. I kinda wish I was in KL right now so that I can be a part of the festivities. I miss being at home.

Strange place

This has got to be the sorriest looking house my family has ever lived in. It looks like it came right out of the seventies. It's old and rundown, and has this um... cold air travelling through it. I forgot what you call those things... oh yeah, draft. It's got a cold draft. It's as if this cold air had legs and is just walking in and out of all the rooms one by one, and when it gets to the last room, it starts all over again.

This town my parents live in is a lot like Putrajaya, which is supposed to mean I would love it. But I haven't ventured outside the house yet because I'm feeling pretty ill. I had a turbulent flight over here from Sydney and when we landed I felt like I was gonna puke. And then when I got to the house, I showered and went to sleep cos I was exhausted. There wasn't really much time to sleep on the plane. Then I woke up a couple of times cos of the draft. Yeah, I'll wake up cold and then it'll get really warm again and then I'll go back to sleep, and then all of a sudden it's cold again, then warm up, and I'll go back to sleep etc, etc.

I'm saddened by the fact that this house is so not taken care of. Maybe it can be pretty. I know that if my friends were to see this house, they'd say it's pretty. They said that about my Putrajaya house too, but I thought it stinks.

Oh ya, this house has a certain damp smell I hate. It's such an old house.

No photos to show yet though...

So much to do!!

I've actually got a lot of work to do today. And I found out a new route to take to get to the office, and this morning I left home about the same time I do each day but I got to work in just 15 mins. Wow. That means I arrived here like 7.15 am. I've got a lot to do before I go off on my two-week vacation so might as well get to work early. It's not that I'm a workaholic, I just like to get my work done and go home early.

I rather come to work early than go back home late. I hate doing overtime. My boss says I'm famous for it.

But we had to take this overtime survey, and I actually put down that I thought I did an "adequate" amount of overtime. Well mine is seasonal. I wonder what would happen if I said I did too much overtime. That would almost be a lie because I only stay back late like once or twice a month.

Anyway... I haven't packed for my vacation. I leave on Sunday. I felt so sleepy this morning though, I didn't want to get up... but like I said I have so much to do.... so tata!

Yesterday's conflict

I got into an argument with this guy at work, at our other branch office... me and him don't get along cos our personalities clash. Anyway, I was so mad that I called him "Fool". He asked me to take it back, but I wouldn't. Kakakaka. I thought that was funny. He was being totally unreasonable, and so was I, I suppose. Neither of us would give in. And everyone in my office could hear us fighting cos I was talking really loud into the phone. Hehehehe. I have such bad etiquette.

I don't hate him either. It's nothing personal, just business.

Planning my trip

I was a little disappointed this morning to find out that the weather in Canberra is so cold at this time of year. It's meant to be summer there but I saw that the temperature's 11 degrees centigrade. And it's raining. :( Too bad the capital's not Sydney. Sydney's nice and sunny.

I'll be flying off on the 30th this weekend. And I've had to buy all sorts of stuff for my parents. It's like one whole bag is devoted to them. And I can only pack so much. We've got to change planes too, so I'm trying my very best to travel light, but how the hell do I do that when they keep calling me asking me to bring stuff? They're nuts, that's what.

Plus I am bringing the maid over there. My parents' maid just got her Australian visa. There was meant to be two maids going, but the other one didn't get a visa, and so I had to send her back. I bought her an Air Asia ticket for MYR 453, which is really cheap, and then she landed excess baggage charges of MYR 112 at the airport for being only 7 kg over the limit. Poor thing, of course I paid. I saw other ppl going back to Indonesia who had 5 - 7 bags with them, and in the end could only bring one! My maid only had 2 bags. This girl that was lining up in front of us had 5 bags I think, and then in the end she gave her employer 3 bags to take back while she checked in 2. I pity them cos they bought a whole load of stuff in Malaysia cos it's cheaper than buying it at home, and then finding that they can't afford to pay the excess baggage charges so they can't bring those things home with them anyway. What was the point of buying all those things? It's not like they can afford to DHL it all the way back to Medan or Jakarta. And I bet you their employer won't do it for them.

So I paid the MYR 112. Even though I gave her a bonus before she left. She spent a lot buying cute clothes for her children. I asked her what will she do back in Surabaya? Because her husband isn't allowing her to stay in KL and work as a nanny for my cousin. She said that she won't be able to get a job and so she'll just stay home and do nothing. It's kinda sad to hear all that because I know life is difficult for them there. Whereas in KL lower-income workers are working hard to save enough to feed their family for a month, in Indonesia, the lower-income group work hard just for one rice bowl. That's if you live in the city I guess, cos I would imagine in the villages you'd have your own little plot of land to plant vegetables. That's what I imagine, but I don't know if that's true. There are a lot of vegetables that my maids had never seen before coming to Malaysia. And they don't get to eat a lot of fish either.

Well I hope she does okay over there with her family.

Ugh I shouldn't have checked my APM mail first thing...

At work our email is called APM mail. And I should not have opened it first thing. I got to the office extra early because I woke up scared and wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. Someone (or something) woke me up this morning at 3.30 am by knocking either on my window sill or on my bedroom door. The window was open, I left it like that before I went to bed. The knocking sound was really loud, and I knew it came from in the room. It's not an echo from somewhere else.

So I couldn't really go back to sleep properly, and after sahur, I tried to rest and then before my alarm went off, I was already showered and dressed to go off. So off I went to work. I drove really slow. But I still managed to arrive just a little after 7 am.

Yeah that's early. But I start at 8, and it takes me like 15 minutes to walk from the car park to my office building (cos I walk slow)... I was relishing the thought of just surfing the net before having to start work. Then I make the mistake of checking my APM mail and finding that the woman I dislike has messed up again! And she's making it look like it's my fault. Ugh, I hate it when it gets this way.

I'm a little tired, so I'll stay quiet today and not say anything at all. Let's see what my colleagues think...

Nobel prize for literature

I read my weekly Economist headlines that Harold Pinter was the recipient of this year's Nobel prize for literature. Eew, that's so gross. I had to study his plays for A-levels, and I didn't think they were anything special. I can't believe he won.

I also read in the news that Orhan Pamuk is going to be tried for "allegedly insulint Turkey about its relationship with Armenia and Kurds." I really like Orhan Pamuk. I hope they don't put him in jail. He was also in the running for the Nobel prize for lit.

My Anniversary

Yesterday was my 2nd Anniversary, and we had dinner at this little Italian restaurant in Puchong. Near my house. It's got really good lasagne, I tried it yesterday. The portion was huge for the price I paid (only RM 13.90). I couldn't finish it. Pizza Uno has a beef lasagne, tiny one for about the same price I think, but this one is much much better. Go try it if you're in the area, the restaurant is called Little Italy. It's got nice decor too.

We had our usual table by the window. I brought the kurma from home wrapped up in cling wrap, and we broke our fast eating them with our drinks. It was a nice dinner. My sayang was so tired afterwards (tired from eating too much I guess), he took a nap straight away, and I watched One Tree Hill on tv.

It was this episode where they had that charity drive thing, and the guys were on auction. And the ex's auctioned for each other. And I was just thinking how weird it was that I was having that type of relationship with my friends in high school, and now I don't have that type of thing going at all. I mean like as in being really open with your ex's, and how a circle of friends would date each other's ex-gf/bf and we wouldn't think much of it. How we would hug and kiss each other hello and good-bye. It didn't matter if someone else hugged my bf or whatever. It's just tradition and there's no emotion involved in it.

I asked my bf why Malaysians don't do that type of thing, and he said cos Malaysians have a jealous nature. I thought about it, and I think yeah.

Back to the usual

Nothing exciting is happening in my life right now. Boring. The only thing I did yesterday was out of the ordinary was go to KLIA after work to pick up my flight ticket and process my visa at the MAS ticketing office. Why'd I go all the way there? Well because on the website it said that particular ticket office will be open till midnight.

I went all the way there, but I still couldn't pick up my ticket anyway because it seems someone has not paid for it yet... that someone being my dad. So they said I can pick it up after the 15th or right before my flight. Okay then. But I did my visa anyway, so the trip wasn't all wasted.

Btw, I'm going to Australia for Raya. To be with my family since they live there. Back to the usual routine then. I've only managed to celebrate Hari Raya in Malaysia these last two years and when I lived in Singapore. When we were in Spore it was easy, cos my grandma's house was only 3 hours away using the Tuas highway to get across. So we'd spend half of the first day of Raya in Singapore and the rest of the day in kampung. All the other Raya's I was somewhere else.

I have no idea what my aunts & uncles and cousins and stuff think of me. They must hate me for not wanting to go back to kampung for raya. Oh well, I'll just have to call my grandma and tell her. I hate talking to my grandma though. One of those things I can't explain. She's just a really negative person. I hate being aroung negative ppl.

I'm not fasting today

I shouldn't have eaten... cos now I feel sick.
:(

What this month always reminds me of

Fasting month always reminds me of this one incident that took place many years ago during my freshman year at Uni. There was a really nice, a goodie-goodie type guy in my accounts class. He's really innocent and the type that does no evil. He was kinda short but kinda cute. Anyway, it was fasting month at the time, and then one day he musters up the courage to ask me out to buka puasa with him. I think he became more confident when he saw me exit the mosque after terawih prayers. You know, the fact that I actually went to pray terawih at the mosque made him feel that perhaps I was a nice girl after all under all that.

I remember it really well, he was leaning against his bike and having a smoke and talking to a really a good friend of mine, who was his roommate. I was coming out of the masjid with some friends of mine, and then my friend, the guy's roommate waves to me and says hi. So we stop by and say hi. And during the course of the conversation, the guy asks me, "You want to meet me for buka puasa tomorrow?"

I say, surprised, "Oh? Where?"

And he says, "Here at the masjid." Aww that was so sweet, he asks me out on a date, and where? To the masjid ! I thought that was so cute. I told him that it was sweet of him to ask me, but that I already had a bf and would be breaking fast with him instead.

Well, the last I heard of this guy, I forgot his name, was in the first semester of our second year at uni. There was a big hoohaa going on because he'd disappeared. He hadn't come back home both at the campus and in his hometown for months. He was also supposed to contribute to my friend's accounting project, but since he was missing they had to do double work and were really mad at him. Then just like that, out of the blue, he reappears. He returns to his rented house at the campus to gather up his things. He told his housemates (who were my friends) that he had to stop studying because he got married to a widow with two kids. He had to start working to support them. And just like that, he left.

And that was the last I heard of him.

National Anthem

Hehe! I was so tickled last night when I watched the evening news. Some people in the parliament were outraged that Hattan sang the national anthem at last Saturday's football game in his own tune. He sang the ending differently or something like that. I didn't get to see it myself. But I was laughing about it along with my bf. The ppl in parliament condemned him and they're going to charge him under the Akta Lagu Kebangsaan (National Anthem Act). I didn't even know that law existed! Padan muka dia!

I never really liked that guy, even though we're from the same kampung. He's so cocky. He thinks he's all that. I guess he thinks rockstars can get away with anything.

Well I think they'll let him off if he made a public apology. I don't think he meant to disrespect the national anthem. But it was funny anyway that those members or parliament got mad. I guess there's no room for artistic license for some areas in this country.

Puasa starts tomorrow.

The old neighborhood

I had one of those frustrating weekends where I actually missed my family. Especially on Sundays, those "family day"s. We would usually eat out on our family days. I couldn't spend my Sunday dinner with anyone special so I ate alone. But I went back to a place that I sort of felt comfortable eating alone. So it wasn't so bad.

I went to the bridge again also on Sunday night. I was surprised to find a lot of ppl there. Sometimes I wish that bridge could be mine. I wished that it could belong to me, so that whenever I wanted to be alone there, I could tell everybody to vamoos. It was a nice night, and I bought myself this new poetry notebook. I only write on un-ruled plain white paper. So if anyone wants to buy me a present that I would truly appreciate, they could get me a spiral plain-white paper notebook. Paperchase makes great ones. But the one I bought wasn't a Paperchase, it was an Islamic Arts Museam one (? I think so). I bought it at the MPH, and it wasn't a spiral notebook. And I was also a little disappointed that the paper, although plain white, was quite thin, and the ink of my pen could be seen on the back of the page. Which I hate. So I write on every other page.

Sometimes when you can't be with family, you don't really feel like being with your friends. Cos I just don't like the thought of leaving my empty house to have fun with my buddies and then having to come home to an empty house again. It's like a double blow almost. Everybody else gets to go home to their family. I know I'm supposed to grow up and get used to it already, but seriously it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

But driving around my old neighborhood did feel good. There's that familiar feeling I get in my chest, and that warmth that makes me smile. I tried to explain it to my bf, but I don't think he gets it at all. I don't think he knows what it feels like to feel happy because you feel safe. I don't think he knows how it feels like to feel alien to some place, and then having to find a spot in that alien place that makes you feel not like an alien. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I've been in KL for about 4-5 years now, and during the early years, there wasn't a cafe that I could find that I could call my own place... you know, there wasn't a bakery where I liked to go there cos I liked their bread. I haven't found my place. In all the places I've lived in, I had these places I could go to where the people would know me, and they'd say, "Your usual?" And I would feel comfortable enough to eat there alone, or to sit and drink there alone, because I was a regular. And the other ppl would recognize me as a regular, and then they'd just smile and eat with me while they sat at the other table, and it wouldn't feel like I was eating alone. But I don't know how to explain all this to my bf because I don't think he really understands. Even when he says he does, I get the feeling that he's just saying it to shut me up.

I haven't really found that type of place truly yet, but I think my old neighborhood has a lot of potential.

Sometimes I worry that if we can't connect on certain things, it'll be difficult for us in the future. But I really don't know how to make a person understand all these things that make me feel secure. I hope he reads this and he understands better.

First impressions

I met my future parents-in-law last Sunday for the first time. We were all attending my bf's nephew's 2nd birthday party. He's an adorable kid, and we all love him, which is probably the only thing all of us had in common. Nah, okay, I guess that's being too extreme. I know that they'll have their first impressions of me, but I have my own first impression of them, and the first thing that struck me was they were remarkably different from my own parents.

Well of course you're allowed some differences, but the differences were stark. But I expected as much, so I didn't leave the place feeling disappointed or anything like that. They're nice people, don't get me wrong. But compared to the reception my parents gave my bf when they first met him, the reception his parents gave me was markedly cold. It was so bad, after salam-ing the mum, she even moved away to sit at a different table from me! Now is that a signal that she thinks I'm whore or isn't it? (FYI, I'm not one).

But I was dressed very decently too, in a really nice loose bohemian-type shirt in earthy colors. And jeans. It wasn't even tight, and you couldn't even see my butt, which I think is my best asset. (Yeah, yeah, for those who know how I look like, please refrain from commenting...)

Anyway, after that, we had to move into another room in the restaurant because the place was wrongly booked. And I thought I didn't want to have her move her seat away from me twice, so I sat far away from them. Then I guess the dad felt bad, because he asked me to move closer. When I did move closer, he was the only one who tried to speak to me, whilst his mother turned her head away most of the time I was sitting in front of them and did not utter another word to me. For all the 2 hours we were there.

Oh well, not that I mind. If she dislikes me, she dislikes me. After all, I dislike quite a number of ppl in this world. She probably thinks I manipulate her son. I don't think she gives him enough credit. I think he's very capable of controlling any situation that we're in. I even think he's the more dominant one in the relationship. She probably thinks I look like this snobby person. People often mistake me for a snobby or pompous person because I'm just mean sometimes.

But it doesn't really matter because in the end, it's not his mom I'm marrying, it's him. And I just thank my lucky stars my parents are friendly ppl despite all their other flaws... And I guess I'll just have to work on making things better with his mom.

A Tree

I'm like this tree,
A very old tree, maybe an olive tree.
My trunk is gnarled and twisted,
And my bark scorched by the sun.
During the dry season,
When there is no water to quench my thirst,
I become dry and my branches brittle.
When the hard wind blows,
My arms (the branches) will break.
I only seem strong, with my roots buried in the ground.
But I can only wait for an act of God, like in a thunderstorm
To break me in two.
But you, oh blade of grass,
I wish I was like you.
Growing long and slender,
And swaying in the breeze beside me.
You are small, and may not ever grow as big as me.
But no matter how hard the gust of wind,
And no matter how heavy the rain,
They will not uproot you
Nor blow you away.
If you are cut, you will grow again.
Such is your strength that I envy.
How can I ever be like you?
When God has made me who I am,
And you, you.
Can a tree, so set in its ways
transform into grass?
Alas, my friend, as strong as you are
And as determined as I am,
Neither you or I can make me
Into something I was never destined to be.

I'm like this big kid

Yesterday was the Rockstar INXS finale. Which is like my favorite show because of all the talented ppl in it. There were 3 finalists, Mig, JD and Marty. And even though Marty was my favorite (and still is) from the very beginning, I didn't want him to win and land the job as INXS's frontman because I felt that his talents would be better expressed as a solo artist or as a singer of his own band. (As opposed to a singer of an established band, with an established sound). I really wanted JD to win, because I thought Mig was too theatrical. And plus JD's good, because he has that deep, dark thing going like Michael Hutchins. And whaddaya know? JD won, and I was really glad.

After the show, I was really excited, and my bf couldn't get me to sleep. He was trying to tuck me in, but I just kept wanting to talk about the show, and all the possibilities. The possibilities being Marty gets a recording contract, Marty gets to do a record with his own band, Marty gets to perfect his own sound... I'll be the first to buy Marty's cd, etc etc. I was excited about that.

Then I wake up the next day, and I come to work, and what do I find myself doing? I log on and start reading Marty's blogs. From the show, I found out that Dave Navarro can be a really nice guy.

Then my boss arrives and asks me if he can have a word. Okay. He asks me if I feel challenged by my job. And I say, Yeah. Right now, still yeah. I told him not to worry and that I'll tell him when I get bored. I won't send up a resignation letter or anything right that. Right now, I'm just waiting for more challenges to come. Like the PONL integration, the new systems integration, etc etc. I think right now I'm still finding my way around to getting comfortable. I'm still perfecting my skills...

Today is also Hafiz's last day. Well sort of. Hafiz is my colleague here and was also from Uniten. He's a genius. Anyway, he's being posted to Dubai. And he's flying off this week or next week. All the best to him, cos he's a really nice guy. We're going to have a farewell lunch for him later, so I'm going to leave some empty space in my stomach.