I'm exhausted! sheeh. Today was the first day I went to the office on a Saturday. The first day I ever had to (or even wanted to) go to work on a Saturday. I'm not required to you know. But I went. Just to help the almost dire situation that I am in at work. To decrease my ever increasing workload so that when Monday comes I won't be so overwhelmed. I only stayed at the office for about four hours, but what made it even more tiring was the traffic jam I was stuck in just getting there! Aiyoh. Traffic jams are the worst, they can suck all the energy from you without even trying.
Then, to top it all off, once I got home, I wasn't able to sleep! It was like 4 or 5 in the afternoon when I arrived home, and I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep. Why? Cos I was worried about my sayang, who wasn't feeling too well and who just crashed onto my bed. He was out like a light in a matter of seconds. I on the other hand, went upstairs to watch tv and tried to sleep, but failed.
So now it's past dinner time, and I am still exhausted. I took a shower to wake me up and cool my body down a bit, but I am still feeling exhausted. I should go to sleep, but it's too freakin hot. Yes, with all this haze, it makes things worse! But I did manage to decrease the pile of invoices I had to key in by about 98%. Yay!! Now all I have to do is just the other huge pile of petty cash reimbursements. Argh! Life just sucks sometimes, doesn't it? Especially when you don't have a good book to read to wind down the day...
And do you notice I haven't been able to update this thing on weekdays at all? That is how bogged down I am by work!! Argh. We are all becoming slaves. I'm letting myself become a slave. That is such a frightening thought.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Soundtrack of my life
You know when you hear certain songs that totally define that moment in your life? Yeah, that's what I call the soundtrack of my life. It's a whole list of songs that if I were to put on a cd would definitely be able to describe specific moments or events in my life. Or even describing a specific emotion that only I know how to feel. The soundtrack of my life. It would be interesting to list out all the songs. It may take forever.
But as the afternoon unfolds and the heat begins to dissipate into the cool of evening, the defining song is Peterpan's "Bintang di Surga", whose resounding chrous continues to echo in my head over and over even though the song has finished playing on the radio. I heard it first on my sayang's car stereo. And then it sort of stuck. For me, it will always define that moment when he's about to leave for Pahang, and my heart is going thump thump, and a lump starts to form in my throat, and I begin to hold his hand tighter and suck in my tears. It will always be that song on my soundtrack to define that moment where I don't want to say goodbye and I'm grasping for one extra minute of his time. He's very good at giving me these songs, my sayang is.
It may not lie so much in the lyrics of the song, but in the way it is sung, or the way the melody and rhythm is. Sometimes a happy song can be sung in a sad way, or a sad song can be played with an upbeat rhythm. It's just like the way the guy sings the chorus in "Bintang di Surga", he belts out the words "bagai bintang di surgaaaa dan seluruh warna", almost yelling, like he's desperately appealing for God to give him that one wish. It is that same hopeful desperation I feel before I have to let go and say goodbye.
So goes that one song in the soundtrack of my life. When I hear it again ten years from now, I will remember exactly how I felt on this day having to say goodbye. And if the memory of the emotion that the song carries is strong enough I may feel that same lump forming in my throat and I may even find myself searching for his hand to hold it just a little tighter.
But as the afternoon unfolds and the heat begins to dissipate into the cool of evening, the defining song is Peterpan's "Bintang di Surga", whose resounding chrous continues to echo in my head over and over even though the song has finished playing on the radio. I heard it first on my sayang's car stereo. And then it sort of stuck. For me, it will always define that moment when he's about to leave for Pahang, and my heart is going thump thump, and a lump starts to form in my throat, and I begin to hold his hand tighter and suck in my tears. It will always be that song on my soundtrack to define that moment where I don't want to say goodbye and I'm grasping for one extra minute of his time. He's very good at giving me these songs, my sayang is.
It may not lie so much in the lyrics of the song, but in the way it is sung, or the way the melody and rhythm is. Sometimes a happy song can be sung in a sad way, or a sad song can be played with an upbeat rhythm. It's just like the way the guy sings the chorus in "Bintang di Surga", he belts out the words "bagai bintang di surgaaaa dan seluruh warna", almost yelling, like he's desperately appealing for God to give him that one wish. It is that same hopeful desperation I feel before I have to let go and say goodbye.
So goes that one song in the soundtrack of my life. When I hear it again ten years from now, I will remember exactly how I felt on this day having to say goodbye. And if the memory of the emotion that the song carries is strong enough I may feel that same lump forming in my throat and I may even find myself searching for his hand to hold it just a little tighter.
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