Soundtrack of my life

You know when you hear certain songs that totally define that moment in your life? Yeah, that's what I call the soundtrack of my life. It's a whole list of songs that if I were to put on a cd would definitely be able to describe specific moments or events in my life. Or even describing a specific emotion that only I know how to feel. The soundtrack of my life. It would be interesting to list out all the songs. It may take forever.

But as the afternoon unfolds and the heat begins to dissipate into the cool of evening, the defining song is Peterpan's "Bintang di Surga", whose resounding chrous continues to echo in my head over and over even though the song has finished playing on the radio. I heard it first on my sayang's car stereo. And then it sort of stuck. For me, it will always define that moment when he's about to leave for Pahang, and my heart is going thump thump, and a lump starts to form in my throat, and I begin to hold his hand tighter and suck in my tears. It will always be that song on my soundtrack to define that moment where I don't want to say goodbye and I'm grasping for one extra minute of his time. He's very good at giving me these songs, my sayang is.

It may not lie so much in the lyrics of the song, but in the way it is sung, or the way the melody and rhythm is. Sometimes a happy song can be sung in a sad way, or a sad song can be played with an upbeat rhythm. It's just like the way the guy sings the chorus in "Bintang di Surga", he belts out the words "bagai bintang di surgaaaa dan seluruh warna", almost yelling, like he's desperately appealing for God to give him that one wish. It is that same hopeful desperation I feel before I have to let go and say goodbye.

So goes that one song in the soundtrack of my life. When I hear it again ten years from now, I will remember exactly how I felt on this day having to say goodbye. And if the memory of the emotion that the song carries is strong enough I may feel that same lump forming in my throat and I may even find myself searching for his hand to hold it just a little tighter.