Long time..

I dreamt that an old friend of mine was sick last night. In fact I dreamt of this person 3 times. Each time I would wake up, go back to sleep and the dream would sort of continue or take place at a different place. In each dream my friend was not well, trying to be cheerful, but not being optimistic about his future. Not sure whether he had a disease or he had some internal organ failure. But anyway, he wanted to ask me for help or advice, I think, but since I kept waking up, he never really got round to it.

I kind of wonder if my friend is really okay. Have not met him in years, literally.

I imagined myself inviting him to my wedding, calling him long distance and asking him to fly back so he could be there. I imagine I would say, "Hey I'm getting married in a month's time. Do you think you could come back to KL for it? I dunno, you're the only thing from my past that was good, so I'd like you to be there."

Well, maybe saying he's the only thing in my past that was good is exaggerating it a little, but there aren't too many good things about it, but he was one of them.

Hope he's doing okay.

"Horror" weekend

Whew... my parents are visiting me from Aussie, and they arrived Saturday night. I spent the entire Saturday morning cleaning my apartment up and down, and when my mum arrived she still said my house was "untidy".

"What's so untidy about it?" I asked her.
"There's still things to susun-susun," she said.
I looked around and seeing as I have almost zero decorative items in my living room, and absolutely nothing to rearrange, I asked her, "What else is there to susun? I don't even own anything for me to susun!"
And she just said, "Got..."
I still have no idea what she's talking about.

Then on Sunday morning, they woke up at 4 am and made a lot of noise, which woke me up. It's because in Australia, it would already be 7 am, and time for them to eat breakfast. So I heard them banging pots and pans, opening and shutting drawers in my kitchen... and putting on the tv really loud... which cut my sleeping time short. But I managed to go back to sleep, but I finally woke up when I heard my mother commenting to my father right outside my bedroom door, "Let's wake her up and tell her we're hungry for breakfast" when it was just 6.50 am.

Man. So I dragged myself out of bed at 7. We left the house at 8 am, and I only reached home at 7.30 pm that evening. But I told my parents they could take the car, so they just dropped my tired self and continued on to KL til 11.30 pm. My parents are like the kids I never had. Thank God they're "checking out" of my place this morning and checking into their hotel room at the Regent. Finally I can get some rest!

Dark morning

Even though it's really gloomy and dark outside, I'm feeling pretty happy. :)

Still recovering from my company's annual dinner that took place last weekend at a beach resort in Kuantan. That was fun. I think I hurt myself during the tug-of-war, but it's still good.

It's good to get over the drama that took place last week. I felt so depressed cos I was sick, feeling low and there's this incompetent woman somewhere in the other office that keeps trying to push her work on to me that got on my nerves. And so as usual, the way I always am so blunt, I got mad at her and told her exactly what was on my mind (in email), and in the end I was reprimanded for it by her boss. Hahaha. It's funny now that I look back on it. I even got called into my boss's office, but that was only for a chat. I just hope the problem gets solved because I can't stand it when things are left hanging.

What else... oh ya, trying to avoid thinking abut the inevitable... my parents are visiting this weekend from Australia. I think they're staying at a hotel, but I'm sure they'll want to visit my apartment. It's a little messy... kind of dusty... well not really. It's clean but not that clean, you know what I mean? I hate doing housework at the end of a busy day at work, so I'll just have to wait for Saturday. But that's the day they get here. Argh.

My bf said I snored the other day. And I never snore, so I asked him to record it the next time I did snore...

die

I feel so depressed, I feel like killing myself. And I know no one could care less if I was dead or alive. Since everything I do is wrong, and everything I do is not good enough.

Oh and the worst thing is...

I woke up this morning and realised that my thighs have gotten bigger!
Argh... I hate being a woman sometimes.

Before the flight

Ugh... I always get these upset stomachs before I travel. This isn't the first time that this has happened. Or subconsciously, I always eat a lot the day before I fly off because I think I'll never get to eat the same type of food again, and then the next morning, when I'm due to fly, I get an upset stomach. I've been to the bathroom like 5 times already... yeah, I know, you don't wanna know right?

Anyway, I feel slightly nauseous too...

Marty's "Don't Change"

I heard Marty Casey's rendition of INXS's "Don't Change" on the radio. At least I thought it was Marty singing it... cos it didn't sound like Michael Hutchence... or JD. So I stood there transfixed in front of the radio in the kitchen, pitching my ears each to see if it was really Marty or not.

I love Marty Casey. He's like the best performer out of all those former Rockstar contestants. He's the one with the most potential to succeed with his own band or solo project. I'd love to meet him and just be his friend. He seems like such a normal guy. Like he could have gone to ASL with me or something.

ASL (American School in London) was a great school. It was so unlike all the other international schools I've been to. At ASL, everybody, the teachers, the students, even the parents encourage you, truly encourage you to find and achieve your true potential. It was great. It was a school where every single student could shine. And the thing about the kids that went to that school, every one of us was talented in some way. And everyone else was happy to watch the other ppl shine at their particular talent. I don't know, but that was how I felt. Like my friend Ayesha, she was really smart, and all the rest of us were just really happy to watch her succeed in every subject, etc. And then my other friend, Mark, he was a trumpet player... and like I really loved watching him perform, especially when the school band played jazz. Yeah. And other kids were really good at acting, and it was just fun to watch them do their skits and all the drama exercises (the ones that they now do on Whose Line Is It Anyway?). Yeah, we did those exercises in class even before that show existed. So I guess those games were taught at the FAME Academy or something. I imagined that FAME Academy or the New York School of Performing Arts or whatever those schools are called are exactly like ASL but specialising in Drama and Music.

I want to send my kids to a school just like ASL. Of course I can't afford to live in London just to send my kids there, so I'm hoping there will be a school just like it in KL. Children need to be stimulated. I really, really don't want my kids to do SPM. It's such a regurgitative educational system. All they do is memorize, memorize, memorize and then spit it all back out again for the exams. The teachers don't even teach the kids to think for themselves what the answer might be. They just teach the kids, "this is the answer, and you gotta write it all back down for the exams." It's such a stupid system. I hope Malaysia goes through an intellectual revolution in the next coming years so that ppl can change the way things are taught in this country, and you know, so ppl can just change their thinking for once. Change is good.

Strange dream

Ugh! I woke up this morning from having the strangest dream. I hate this dream. It's sort of recurring. Both my ex-bf's were in it, but no sign of my current one. Eugh. Each time I dream it, I'll say about my last ex to everyone in the room, "Yeah, this is the ex that I hate the most." I hate this dream. In this dream, my highschool sweetheart is being very controlling and keeps thinking that I am still his. And in the dream, I am so preoccupied with trying to get away from my other ex, the one that I hate, that I end up seeking refuge with my former highschool sweetheart. And at the same time, I'm looking and looking for my real bf, but he's not around.

Yeah, if you're thinking, "she's so corny, she had a highschool sweetheart," you're absolutely right. Cos technically, he was the only guy I dated in highschool, for two years. Then I went out with this nice guy for a month during A-Levels, and then after A-Levels and for the first 2 years of Uni, I dated that guy I hate, for 2 years also.

I've been with my current bf for 2 years too, and he's the best. :)
This one's a keeper.

I've got one more day

Today my parents took me out for a long drive in the early morning, and we stopped at this cowboy town. Well it seemed like one to me, what with the horses and the leather goods store that sold saddles and boots. I guess this place is full of those type of towns. There is so much farmland around here. It kind of makes me want to own a farm and live on it...

I had this bf once when I was around 16/17, he told me that back in Denmark his dad's family owned a farm and that before his dad came to Malaysia and became rich, he was just a farmer. I really liked that idea... I don't mind being a farmer's wife, as long as we were self-sufficient. I really admire a man that makes things with his hands... tilling the land, planting the crops, harvesting, that type of thing. Or even carpentry, or engineering... or you know, someone that was good with his hands. Someone who had productive hands. That was my ideal man back then, and I suppose it still is.

I always thought that I would marry a quiet, but talented man. A sort of dark horse. And he had an inner strength and power that emanated from him silently. And keeping my fingers crossed, I hope I will be marrying him sometime soon. Cos sayang, you are a quiet man who does not yet know his own talents. :)

No Direction Home

Did you know that I'm a big Bob Dylan fan? I call him Bobby D. As if I really know the guy personally. There was this documentary on tv about him last night. It was only Part 1, and I wonder when Part 2 is going to show. It was Scorsese's "No Direction Home". Oh I just found out that Part 2 is only going to be shown next week. :-( too bad, I'm not going to be around then.

But anyway, last night's show was the first time we see Dylan at the present time commenting on his life back then when he first started out. And it's so amusing to see that he himself didn't really know how to explain what was behind his lyrics. He just wrote them. He said he wasn't trying to be topical or political, it just ended up sounding that way, and I believe him. I think political bands that try too hard to be political don't end up being popular, or their message is lost. But what Dylan did back then with his songs, he had this magical way of making the lyrics last, and you can relate them to what's happening now as to back then.

My favorite part last night was when this interviewer was interviewing dinner about "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" when it was first released. He wrote it during the time of the Cuban missile crisis during Kennedy's time in office. So the interviewer says something like, "It's really something you singing about the Atomic rain..." and Dylan says, "No, no, it's not Atomic rain, it's just a Hard Rain." And I totally get what he means. It's just a hard rain, a really hard rain. The type of rain when it falls will hurt you.

I liked that part. Because being a poet, ppl will often misinterpret the things that I write. They'll think I meant it one way, when what I really meant was something different altogether. But it's okay. It's really up to the reader to interpret it any way they want, just as long as they don't quote me as saying that their interpretation is correct.